Appreciating Your "Real Self"
Having an accurate perception of our real selves and the world around us is
crucial to a balanced life. People who manage to use the life’s laboratory to
keep themselves awake, aware and continuous learning tend to be resilient and
strong in the face of internal and external stress because they attend to
personal renewal as a way of life (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005; McKee, Boyatzis
& Johnston, 2008; Jha, 2017). When one wait for issues to become problems,
the effort, energy and time to recover (when possible) are greater, and
everything happening around in the meantime is wasted, since our focus is often
entirely directed to recovery mode. If one is tuned and does not wait for
harsher life wake-up calls, renewal, not recovery, becomes the norm. While in
renewal mode, one is able to broaden perspectives, with the lenses not fixated
in self broken pieces, but in past and future whole-self, while humbly aware of
the present. With broader views and openness, life goes on, challenges are
turned into opportunities, raw opportunities do not pass unnoticed, and one
lives life instead of simply surviving. But why even smart people do not use
life’s laboratory?
Drowned in the common busy adult life, it is easy to miss the subtle wake-up
calls. A way to dribble this challenge is regular mindfulness practices that
enable a balanced view of our whole selves, along with self-reflection. This
involves an analysis of our body, mind, spirit, and emotion, not only in the
present moment but with a positive view of our future ideal selves (Boyatzis
& McKee, 2005; McKee, Boyatzis & Johnston, 2008; Creswell, 2017). Going
through some real and ideal self exercises, along with balance seeking and
mindfulness intentional chance reflections I did not find any surprises in my
outputs.
I believe I have not found surprises because I am constantly self-reflecting,
often more than I wish, and rarely able to control. I self-reflect at any idle
time, and since I live alone and there is nothing much about work I can do on
my days off, I spend long hours on my own, in which I spend a major part of it
just thinking, talking to myself, mentally living possible future moments
(positive and negative), going back in time and processing what could have been
different that was under my control, so on and so forth. Mind-wandering, in my
view, is my biggest weakness and my greatest strength. When alone, I struggle
to be in the present moment, but since I go back and forth, I am tuned with
myself. When with others, I give my quality time, mentally traveling just to
enrich the conversation (which sometimes affects how I appear to be
interested). Although there were no surprises about myself, I figured some
interesting points through the exercises and reflection.
First, by writing down on the Medicine Wheel, I had a clearer picture of the
gap between my real and ideal self, along with a practical and simple way to
minimize the gap aiming more resonance (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005; McKee,
Boyatzis & Johnston, 2008; Boyatzis, 2006). Secondly, reflecting on necessary
mindful changes, I figured about thoughts and habits I need to eliminate in
order to let resonance flow and enable continuous renewal. Last, but not least,
I found two (out of four) limiting beliefs that I have not thought of as such
before. I am constricting myself with theses believes, as an argument to remain
in the comfort zone. But was is awareness without action?
Tuning with my subtle wake-up calls cleared the path for me to see farther and
further. From now I will stop using these two “new-found” limiting beliefs, to
remove two more barriers to my ideal self. Along with this action, I plan to
work on my ten development areas found in the Medicine Wheel, two by two, as an
achievable learning agenda with small wins to have a compound effect (Boyatzis
& McKee, 2005; Hardy, 2010). Most importantly, I will practice monthly
body, mind, spirit, and emotional “check-ups” to keep tuned, using the Medicine
Wheel as a model.
References
Boyatzis, R. E. (2006). An overview
of intentional change from a complexity perspective. Journal of Management
Development 25(7), 607-623. doi: 10.1108/02621710610678445
Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A.
(2005). Resonant leadership. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School
Press
Creswell, J. D. (2017). Mindfulness
interventions. Annual Review of Psychology, 68(1), 491-516.
doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-042716-051139
Jha, A. (2017). How to your
wandering mind. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/amishi_jha_how_to_tame_your_wandering_mind
McKee, A., Boyatzis, R., &
Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader. Boston, MA: Harvard
Business School Press
Hardy, D. (2010). The compound
effect: Jumpstart your income, your life, your success. New York, NY: Vanguard
Press
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